Emily’s Submission Journal

My books are hella long, I know. But they could be even longer! I cut an average of 100 pages from each book through the editing process. It hurts me, but it means I can offer deleted scenes!

This is a scene from Daddy P.I. 2.0. If you haven’t read the (free!) prequel and first book, then this might not make much sense, but maybe you can just enjoy it for the view it provides into the relationship between a Daddy Dom and his little girl.

Thinking of her reminds me of one of our Sunday rituals, and when I check, I find that Emily’s left her submission journal in my upper desk drawer. Good girl. 

I lift the leather-bound journal onto my desk and open it, using the little ribbon Emily’s put in to mark this week’s entry. Just seeing the page makes me smile. Emily may not like to color, but she loves stickers. There are hearts down each margin, smiley faces, rainbows, and a random Batman sticker. Grinning, I rub my fingertip over the Batman sticker. Very Emily. 

The entry is short, half-a-dozen paragraphs on a single page, in Emily’s small, spiky handwriting. I haven’t set any requirements for her submission journal other than that she writes at least one entry every week and gives it to me by Sunday. She can write about anything she wants, so long as it relates to her submission. Her entries are rarely concrete, although the week we were building up to anal sex she wrote several pages about the merits of different kinds of lube. Most of the entries are meditative and a few have been jaw-droppingly existential.

Scanning this week’s entry, I can see she’s been reflecting.

What does ‘being the bigger person’ mean? Ignoring slights. Being kind in the face of unkindness. Helping someone who wouldn’t help me.

Is it more? Is it about rejecting hatred? Refusing to allow malice any place in my heart? Defining myself, my submission, my littleness, on my own terms, not theirs?

Is it Batman?

That paragraph is punctuated by the Batman sticker. Not so random after all. But I’m not quite clear on how it connects, either. I may have to ask her. Emily’s quite a non-linear thinker and sometimes I have trouble following her train of thought.

Or maybe she just wants to be Batman. I’m sure I could work that into a scene somehow.

Is it control? Daddy says the only person I can control is me. Daddy controls me, but only because I choose to let him. It’s always a choice. That’s submission. Is being the bigger person submission?

Daddy takes away my voice sometimes, when he wants me to focus on submitting to him. When I ignore pettiness, unkindness, insult – when I greet those things with silence – am I focusing on my submission? Who am I submitting to when I’m being the bigger person? Daddy? A better version of myself? Batman?

We clearly need a Dark Knight binge, because I’m not connecting the dots between bigger personhood and Batman.

Is being the bigger person rejecting unworthiness? Unworthy people, unworthy actions, unworthy thoughts? I always want to be worthy of Daddy’s love and approval. Is being the bigger person defining my own self-worth?

Yes, it is. If she was here right now, I’d wrap her in my arms and give her a huge hug for working that out. In fact, I’ll do that as soon as I’m done. Well, after I figure out the Batman thing. 

Her epiphany is followed by a row of kitty stickers.

Daddy thinks I’m responsible enough to have a kitty! Sable is a million Christmases and birthdays rolled into one.

The entry ends with a cluster of smiley faces and rainbow stickers, which tell me as clearly as her written words how happy she is about her reward. 

I re-read the entry to make sure I have it memorized, before I close her journal and tuck it under my arm. I leave the journal on the bookcase in her little room after I’ve read it each week. When she’s written whatever she wants to for the week, she puts it back in my desk drawer: a kind of underground-railroad communication, like passing notes in class, which delights us both.

I rise and stretch, loosening up my left leg, before braving the stairs.

Once I drop off the journal in her little room, I return to the bedroom. Emily’s still tucked under her fuzzy, but she’s awake. Her eyes gleam in the gloaming created by the black-out blinds, and her teeth flash as she smiles at me.

“Hello, little girl.”

“Hi, Daddy.” She yawns and wiggles under her fuzzy.

I climb up onto the bed next to her, settle back against the headboard and pat my thigh. She wriggles up out of her blanket and curls up on my lap with her head on my shoulder. Her soft palm creeps up to rest against my throat so she can feel the vibration of my breathing and speech. Her sweet gesture makes my chest tight again. 

“How’re you feeling?”

“Good, Daddy.”

I dip my head so I can rub noses with her. “Anything you need to do before we go to the club tonight?”

“No, Daddy.”

“Mmm.” I lick the tip of her nose just to hear her giggle. “I read your journal. Being the bigger person is exactly about defining your self-worth. I’m very proud of you.”

That gets me a big grin. “Ta, Daddy.”

“What’s the deal with Batman?”

That wins me another giggle. “You don’t think Batman is the bigger person?”

“I’m not quite making that connection.”

“Batman’s the bigger person because he’s not like Superman. He’s not Mr. Perfect. He became Batman because he wanted revenge. He’s the dark knight, not a white one.”

“Uh-huh. I’m seeing the anti-hero, but not the bigger person.”

“No, Daddy, he’s still a hero, even though he’s not always noble and humble and all those Superman-y things. It’s easy to be heroic when you’re all those things. Batman’s the bigger person because he chooses to be self-sacrificing. He wasn’t made that way.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Mindful heroism, Daddy.”

I chuckle. “Mindful heroism. I like that, baby. And I like seeing you so happy about your kitty.”

She winds her arm around my neck and hugs me so tight I can barely breathe. “Best reward ever.”

Ready to read the rest? Grab Daddy P.I. 2.0 today!

9 comments

  1. Hi Emma, I’ve just finished Daddy P I and absolutely fell in lust with Logan! It’s not my normal reading material, but I have to tell you, I will be reading Daddy P I 2.0 as soon as I download it onto my kindle!
    At first, Emily was not my kind of Heroine, I struggled with the ‘Little’ concept for a few chapters, not because of the way she is written, but because I have limited experience of Littles generally. Because of the way you have written Emily’s personality traits, I feel like I understood a lot better what she was about and began to like her ‘Little’ personality greatly.
    Huge Kudos to you, your research was thorough and precise and I appreciated the wealth of knowledge you scattered throughout the book about the world these two inhabit. Niall, Shaan and Vashi have to be my three most favourite people in the book. Especially Niall! I know a giant Bear very similar to him with the exception of Shaan!
    Excellent plot line, love the interspersing of Logan’s work between some really HOT scenes, just the right amount of low rail on the roller coaster to slow down the heart rate after the ‘scenes’!

    I’m sorry it’s taken so long to get through the book but between being a 24/7 Carer for my son, Tom being home and all that entails, writing, mosaicing, finishing up Mum’s business accounts, and trying to get in a visit with my Mum during lockdown, it’s been one of those reads where I could only grab an hour at night to read a few chapters. I hope I can get a little more time to read the next one and do it much better justice.
    Brilliant writing my friend.
    Gem 💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, thank you so much!! I’m pleased you liked it and connected with Emily’s character. I wanted her desire for mental and emotional freedom to be something anyone could identify with, even if the concept of being “little” was alien to the reader.
      I love Niall, Shaan and Vashi, too. I couldn’t work them into book 2 except for a very brief cameo, but the novella I’m writing now, of Emily’s collaring ceremony, has them back and I do love writing the Viking bear.
      It hasn’t taken you a long time to read and don’t feel any need to apologise. You have a TON going on. With the UK going back into lockdown, I hope it doesn’t become an avalanche.
      Thanks again and thanks so much for letting me know! EJ

      Liked by 1 person

  2. so now, I have sent a reply to these hysterical laughing emojis twice now and they still haven’t turned up, so I’m goin’ for reply #3. I could turn this one reply into a groundhog day novel!! My reply is as follows:
    That’s it? Hysterical Laughter? That’s what you’re giving me? When I am bereft at the loss of these three characters from my reading life, and I’m trying to find possible solutions and all you can give me is hysterical laughter? Shame on you woman! Y’know? Y’ just can’t get the sexy writer friends these days! Shocking! 😋🤣😂😋🤣😂😋🤣😂
    Please feel free to delete the other two if they ever decide to show up late for the party! Sheesh!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s